


The sewers are alive with the sound of music

by lightworms07



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: (uh yet), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Chaos, Crack?, F/M, M/M, Memes, Multi, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reddie, Swearing, THEY DESERVE IT, Teenagers, You Have Been Warned, also this is an AU where everyone has happy lives, besides like high school drama/gay pining, but yeah no painful things here, chatfic, this is the weirdest thing i've ever written, this was born from my 2 am insanity, two things I'm well-versed in
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-12 21:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21232523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightworms07/pseuds/lightworms07
Summary: wholesome but might strangle u: Beep fucking beep RichI’m gonna strangle u bitchlawful good: That was strangely poeticChaotic evil: Good rhymeproblematic troll: ...ok but can you even reach my neck?





	1. The sewers are alive with the sound of music

**Author's Note:**

> Posted this with the hope that at least one (1) person would find it funny  
And like I was bored  
So if you clicked this welcome to my humble abode of chaos  
Enjoy fam  
(Also kudos/comments pour serotonin directly into my skull so if you like the fic that's a fun idea :D)  
(Do you see how I have no shame at this point)

**2:19 AM**  
_Richie_ made a group: “The sewers are alive with the sound of music”  
_Richie_ changed [Bill] to [big bird]  
_Richie_ changed [Mike] to [can I get a yee]  
_Richie_ changed [Stan] to [can I get a haw]  
_Richie_ changed [Beverly] to [two shots of vodka]  
_Richie_ changed [Ben] to [literal angel?]  
_Richie_ changed [Eddie] to [wholesome but might strangle u]  
_Richie_ changed [Richie] to [problematic troll]

big bird: Richie it’s 2AM go the fuck to sleep  
stop making discord servers I swear 3 god  
we have like seven already

problematic troll: bill wdym this is art  
ur disrespecting my craft and that makes me really sad

two shots of vodka: both of you go to sleep

big bird: you’re awake too

two shots of vodka: yeah bc my phone wasn’t on silent u know why? bc i wasnt expecting texts at this hour 

problematic troll: shit bev’s mother hen side is coming  
run! save yourselves! practice good self care!

big bird: (richie’s the real mother hen he’s just too “edgy” to admit it)

two shots of vodka: (well yeah)

problematic troll: >:(

**8:06 AM**  
_wholesome but might strangle u_ changed [can I get a haw] to [chaotic neutral]  
_wholesome but might strangle u_ changed [can I get a yee] to [lawful good]  
_wholesome but might strangle u_ changed [big bird] to [true neutral] 

wholesome but might strangle u: discuss

two shots of vodka: you only did half of us?  
Richie if you make a sex joke I’m moving out of Derry 

problematic troll: shit

wholesome but might strangle u: yeah I got bored halfway through 

problematic troll: eddie kaspbrak everyone 

wholesome but might strangle u: listen 

chaotic neutral: Why am I chaotic? 

can I get a yee: I feel like he’s more of a lawful neutral 

problematic troll: um no  
chaotic evil  
does no one else remember the peeps incident? 

can I get a yee: ? Was I here for this

problematic troll: just bill i think 

_problematic troll_ changed [chaotic neutral] to [chaotic evil]

anyway stan made a giant pepe head out of peeps  
and put it on my bed when i wasn’t home

lawful good: He got in your house how exactly?

problematic troll: through the bedroom window  
totally stole my move  
i do it to eds all the time  
but yeah it was just there on my bed and it scared the living fuck out of me  
Mrs K was disappointed about that 

wholesome but might strangle u: stfu

problematic troll: ily eds  
but I love your mom more 

wholesome but might strangle u: Beep fucking beep Rich  
I’m gonna strangle u bitch

lawful good: That was strangely poetic 

Chaotic evil: Good rhyme

problematic troll: ...ok but can you even reach my neck? 

two shots of vodka: oH SKAP

problematic troll: skap

wholesome but might strangle u: nice bev

two shots of vodka: shh

literal angel?: I guess you can say Stan made  
A peep-e head 

lawful good: ah

two shots of vodka: sHiT

chaotic neutral: ..

wholesome but might strangle u: OHHHHHHHH 

big bird: PUN

problematic troll: adsfjk BEN 

problematic troll changed [literal angel?] to [CHAOTIC ANGEL]

big bird: Stan didn’t even have a response lmao

wholesome but might strangle u: mood  
Except not 

chaotic evil: nice 

**3:34 PM**  
big bird: ok I’ll be the one to ask  
Why am I big bird 

problematic troll: ur the makeshift leader ig  
wholesome maternal figure in our lives 

wholesome but might strangle u: why tf is bill like a mom to u

two shots of vodka: why tf is big bird like a mom to u???

problematic troll: *sweating* i’m getting ganged up on here someone rescue me 

big bird: Big bird is male tho? so isn’t he a father figure? 

chaotic evil: Now ‘what is big bird’s gender’ is in my search history I hate all of you

CHAOTIC ANGEL: They’re all puppets why is there discourse about this

Lawful good: Who even is big bird 

problematic troll: UM??? 

problematic troll changed [chaotic evil] to [Oscar the grouch]  
problematic troll changed “the sewers are alive with the sound of music” to “things are heating up in the sesame street fandom”

two shots of vodka: WAIT 

two shots of vodka changed [wholesome but might strangle u] to [Bert]  
two shots of vodka changed [problematic troll] to [Ernie]

big bird: LMAO 

lawful good: this I can get behind 

CHAOTIC ANGEL: Actually though? 

two shots of vodka: Arguing like an old married couple :’) 

Ernie: ok sure but where’s my ring eds

Bert: Nowhere  
I did not agree to this 

two shots of vodka —-> Bert  
you’re welcome 

Bert: reaaaaal subtle bev

two shots of vodka: hey I’m doing the real work here 

Bert: >:(( 

two shots of vodka: <3 <3 ily ed

Bert: …….  
<3

“things are heating up in the sesame street fandom”  
**10:02 PM**  
Ernie: so I’ve been thinking 

Bert: um woah. I got vertigo for a sec you can’t just drop something like that on us 

Oscar the grouch: Richie thinks??

Ernie: stfu omg  
anyway  
what do u think is in the sewers 

Bert: some disgusting shit I’m never gonna go anywhere near 

Ernie: well yeah  
But there’s probably like spiders or some shit 

two shots of vodka: if there are spiders down there then they would’ve mutated  
like alien spiders 

Ernie: alien spiders who wants to bid? 

Oscar the grouch: Make it weirder. Alien demon spiders

big bird: I can make it weirder: alien demon spiders with clown heads 

Bert: um

two shots of vodka: tf?

Ernie: .. 

Bert: wow Richie is speechless for the first time ever

Ernie: bill the school has a therapist we support you  
she’s actually v nice  
has a secret drawer of york peppermint patties 

Oscar the grouch: wait you’ve gone to her?

Ernie: cmon people my brain doesn’t Work we know this

two shots of vodka: valid 

big bird: ok listen!! it was a dream I had last night idkk  
And alien spiders are weird too 

two shots of vodka: I mean I guess

**6:02 AM**  
Ernie: what if earth is a cube  
and all astronomers are part of a cult to convince us the earth is a sphere  
and we’re all being lied to 

Bert: I’m literally begging you to shut up  


Ernie: brainwashed like the rest of us. I’m disappointed eds  


Bert: don’t call me that  
I will strangle you  
I won’t hesitate bitch

_Oscar the grouch_ changed [Bert] to [Rebecca]

Ernie: ;) you know I’d always be down for something like thasfgjn

Rebecca: I stole his phone mid type in case anyone was wondering 

lawful good: ty

Oscar the grouch: I was wondering  
Like that’s bad even by Richie standards 

two shots of vodka: eddie rich why are u guys texting if ur together 

Rebecca: I got bored of richies dumbass Spotify playlist 

Ernie: you were just belting the words to old town road?? you love my playlists 

Rebecca: SHHHHH

big bird: we been knew 

two shots of vodka: you like old town road?

lawful good: Eddie just got #exposed damn 

Rebecca: I don’t love all the ads  
Just get premium 

Ernie: I’m broke babe  
It would have to be a gift from u

Rebecca: bitch please I’m not paying 120 a year for your music 

Oscar the grouch: ($119.88 a year)

two shots of vodka: Wow stan

big bird: Richie is worth $0.12 to Eddie we been knew 

two shots of vodka —-> Rebecca  
U know calling Richie bitch isn’t like,, successful flirting right

Rebecca: ...shut up

“things are heating up in the sesame street fandom”  
Ernie: whatif I make u a romantic playlist? 

Rebecca: No

two shots of vodka: Guys just close out of the app every time there’s an ad  
Or get that app that glitches it to be premium 

Rebecca: That’s gonna give your phone a virus 

two shots of vodka: Then do the first thing 

Rebecca: Wait actually??

two shots of vodka: Yea the ad goes away 

Ernie: HOLY FLYING FUCK?

Rebecca: richie is like aggressively shaking the bed why did u do this

Oscar the grouch: Context. 

Rebecca: You didn’t have to make it sexual tf  
No one was thinking that 

Ernie: …

two shots of vodka: …

lawful good: …

big bird: …

Oscar the grouch: …

Rebecca: oh come ON  
ben please be the one person who doesn’t have a dirty mind

CHAOTIC ANGEL: …

Ernie: he shoved me off the bed! Ben I didn’t deserve your punishment! 

big bird: we been knew 

Oscar the grouch changed “things are heating up in the sesame street fandom” to “get bill to stop saying ‘we been knew’ 2k19”


	2. Gas station love affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lawful good: who would he date though? Richie’s literally never talked about crushes 
> 
> badass with a good ass: Eddie
> 
> lawful good: Eddie
> 
> Oscar the grouch: Eddie 
> 
> big bird: Eddie 
> 
> Rebecca: ????
> 
> I accidentally made this a tad romantically angsty but we all thrive off of angst right?  
it's mostly still just weird though  
eddie gets a bit Anxious and the pining is strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did not expect this to be so long but here we are

**8:47 PM**  
big bird: bev is the only one that hasn’t gotten renamed on this server  
discuss

Ernie: okay this is my calling  
this girl is on fire  
Lipstick in my Valentino white bag  
*ominous maracas*  
badass with a good ass  
I would let her stab me 

two shots of vodka changed [two shots of vodka] to [badass with a good ass]  
badass with a good ass: i love it  
ty Richie for hitting on me but in a non-weird friendship way

Ernie: that’s what I do best  
u have a good ass bev you should be proud 

badass with a good ass: so do you  
and yes I am proud

CHAOTIC ANGEL: bi solidarity- kind of?

_Rebecca_ changed “get bill to stop saying ‘we been knew’ 2k19” to “friendship goals?”

Oscar the grouch: I don’t know if I should laugh or feel uncomfortable

Ernie: BEN!  
man of the hour  
I was just telling ur gf how dashing she is 

Rebecca: ok u didn’t quite say that 

CHAOTIC ANGEL: I mean I know  
Like I responded 

lawful good: lol I thought you were saying you knew she had a good ass and I was like wow 

big bird: same 

CHAOTIC ANGEL: ...Richie is right though 

lawful good: DEAD 

Ernie: Ben!!!! Bringing the pda into this humble discord server 

badass with a good ass: awwww ben ily <3 

CHAOTIC ANGEL: I love you too bev :) 

_Ernie_ changed [CHAOTIC ANGEL] to [smitten boi]

Ernie: *wipes eyes*  
who knew things could get all mushy from me complimenting bev’s ass 

Rebecca: is no one else weirded out by this conversation?  
(Besides bev and Ben being wholesome I would die for u)

Ernie: aww eds don’t be jealous  
You have a good ass too!  
amazing actually if we’re being honest 

Rebecca: shut up

Oscar the grouch: wow bev just got replaced 

lawful good: I mean not really she’s literally with ben rn

badass with a good ass: why did you know that…?

lawful good: I’m not stalking you! Ben always tells me about how much he loves your Friday date nights 

Rebecca: h o w are you guys so adorable??

Oscar the grouch: okay but speaking of pda  
You know what would be hilarious?  
The amount of PDA Richie would bring to a relationship

Ernie: yes let’s put a spotlight on the fact that i’m single

lawful good: it’s okay only two people here aren’t single

Ernie: ok ok that’s true

badass with a good ass: omg you’re so right Stan  
He would probably spend most of his time ranting about the love of his life  
And like flirting every second 

lawful good: who would he date though? Richie’s literally never talked about crushes 

badass with a good ass: Eddie

lawful good: Eddie

Oscar the grouch: Eddie 

big bird: Eddie 

Rebecca: ????

big bird: he flirts with you constantly how did you not see that coming?

Rebecca: I mean yeah but it’s a joke  
like with bev 

big bird: lol 

Ernie —-> big bird  
dude you’re gonna expose me 

big bird: it’s about damn time 

Ernie: biiiiiill

big bird: Richie ur my best friend and one of my favorite people ever but you are almost seventeen  
Almost an adult  
and how long has this crush on Eddie been going on? 

Ernie: well technically since we were thirteen  
but I g u e s s you could count that time we were twelve when mike made eds take off his shirt in truth or dare 

big bird: Richie that’s like five years wtf??  
pls I’m serious  
ask him on a date and then make out with him 

Ernie: all in good time milady 

big bird: sigh  
fine I’m taking action then 

Ernie: by doing what?  
bill??  
You swore a hippocratic oath to never tell anyone about my pining!! 

big bird: ? hippocratic oath is for doctors  
and don’t worry! I’m just making him jealous 

Ernie: oh  
WAIT BILL  
Do Not mention last saturday 

big bird: oh I’m definitely mentioning last Saturday 

“friendship goals?”  
**9:29 PM**  
Rebecca: where did everyone go 

big bird: sry I was talking to rich about his date last Saturday 

Rebecca: Richie u were on a date?

Oscar the grouch: With who…? 

badass with a good ass: oh good I thought I was the only one that didn’t know about this 

Rebecca: bill explain 

big bird: yeah with that girl Kaley in his biology class? They went for ice cream at that old place in the back of the gas station convenience store

Oscar the grouch: and they say romance isn’t dead 

_badass with a good ass_ changed "friendship goals?" to "gas station love affair" 

Rebecca: but did it go well? Are they going out again?

big bird: idrk ask him 

badass with a good ass: Richie we see that ur online you little bitch why aren’t you saying anything 

Oscar the grouch: if you don’t tell us I will come over to your house uninvited and find out 

Ernie: my parents literally wouldn’t care they love you 

lawful good: Richie. We know you read those texts- did something happen on the date?

Ernie ---> big bird  
are you expecting both of us to just not mention that she showed up to the place with flowers, i didn’t realize it was a date, we both found it hilarious and laughed it off before she gave me a vintage pokemon card after we bonded over talking about anything but ourselves?

big bird: lmaooo yeah  
u should mention the card though, Mike would be ecstatic  
Which one is it?

Ernie: shadowless venusaur I think  
but srsly bill it was so not a date  
she was literally scribbling down poetry about her ten-year best friend and they write songs together  
she sounded like she was in love for real  
like thats big lesbian energy idk how else to describe it 

big bird: ...ok yeah  
but still! eddie was so interested you saw how much he wanted to know

Ernie: i think ur jumping to conclusions but if ur not i don’t want him to be anxious about it! he seemed kinda stressed

big bird: I think he was just curious it’s fine 

Rebecca —-> badass with a good ass  
bev  
Why was he on a date  
You keep telling me he likes me back but then he’s getting ice cream with some girl??  
Bev

badass with a good ass: Eddie don’t freak out it’s okay  
Just bc they went on A date doesn’t mean they’re dating you know?

Rebecca: I guess  
Still  
I was actually getting closer to telling him that I literally never want to live without him and now this?

badass with a good ass: ok listen I’m gonna text bill  
And then we’re gonna meet at the quarry and chill  
And we’ll figure this out okay? 

Rebecca: ok  
You’re the best bev 

badass with a good ass —-> big bird  
Hey fully no offense but can you not mention richies dating life in the future? 

big bird: uh yeah sure… is everything ok?

badass with a good ass: yeah just  
okay  
do not tell literally anyone especially Richie  
Eddie was kind of freaking out about Richie being on a date

big bird: shit I didn’t think he’d actually be upset 

badass with a good ass: but seriously please don’t tell Richie  
Eddie trusts me with stuff and I don’t wanna like betray him 

big bird: ngl I want to tell him  
bc they really really need to just date  
But I won’t say anything 

badass with a good ass: god I know they’re ridiculous  
Also you’re coming over Thursday right? 

big bird: yeah 

badass with a good ass: great thanks bill :)

big bird —-> Ernie  
You should say it wasn’t a date 

Ernie: what why? 

big bird: u just should idk  
He did sound kinda stressed out 

Ernie: ok ok  
bill do you think that means something  
like why else would he care about who I date 

big bird: Richie am I allowed to say that you’re incredibly stupid sometimes 

Ernie: um yeah that’s one of my best qualities 

big bird: okay then yeah you’re being stupid  
of course it means something 

“gas station love affair”  
Ernie: okay honesty hour  
the only thing i learned about the esteemed miss kaley is that she has pokemon cards  
speaking of which mike i have a gift for u tomorrow  
and that she’s probably a lesbian  
and that she hates rocky road ice cream (which is the best flavor- btw that’s the main quality i’m looking for in an s/o so hmu if u know someone)  
and that i ship her with her neighbor/bff she writes poems about  
the whole thing lasted less than an hour  
53 minutes i think  
i got bored at the end so i started counting the minutes for fun

lawful good: wow  
also thanks for the card (assuming that’s the gift)

badass with a good ass: damn that’s A Lot 

badass with a good ass ---> Rebecca  
hmmmmm “the main quality i’m looking for in an s/o is that they like rocky road”  
remind me eddie- what’s ur favorite ice cream flavor?

Rebecca: …rocky road  
ok I see your point

badass with a good ass: mhmmmmmm

“gas station love affair”  
Oscar the grouch: sorry it didn’t go well Richie

Ernie: lmao i don’t really care  
ben is the love of my life anyway 

badass with a good ass: excuse you  
I will fight 

Ernie: HA kidding  
as if i’d try to touch the power couple of the century  
speaking of touching  
Mrs K is my real love 

Rebecca: oh my g o d 

_Rebecca_ changed [Ernie] to [Trashmouth]

Trashmouth: my namesake!! i was wondering who would change my name to this  
and of course it was my spaghetti  
eddie, the highlight of my life 

Rebecca: :/

Oscar the grouch: Only Richie could go from being inappropriate in one message to that romantic stuff in the next 

Trashmouth: time to channel my inner kaley and write some poetry

Rebecca: why are we still talking about her 

Trashmouth: she’s relevant! cmon eds lighten up  
ur about to get blown away by my literary prowess

big bird: when tf did you start saying things like ”literary prowess”

lawful good: not even Stan says stuff like that

Oscar the grouch: and he’s the smartest one here

Rebecca: ...stan did you just refer to yourself in the third person to boost your ego??

Oscar the grouch: yeah no shame 

_Rebecca_ changed [Oscar the grouch] to [Secondhand embarrassment]

Secondhand embarrassment: thanks

Trashmouth: Eddie, I am ready for us to become reddie. The ship of the century, outlasting ben and beverly, we will sail with a love force as strong as a thousand seas. If only you would choose me, dearest darling Eddie spaghetti, so we can surpass even the strength of my ability to act inappropriately.

lawful good: I’m-

Secondhand embarrassment: Shakespeare is rolling in his grave

Trashmouth: it only sounds good if you read it fast out loud  
bc it uses that poetic device thing with all the e sounds

Secondhand embarrassment: assonance

Trashmouth: yes! see stan this is why ur the nerd of the family 

Secondhand embarrassment: thanks?

Trashmouth: wait we’re talking about asses again! we really came full circle :’)  
also spagh you didn’t respond to my poetry

Secondhand embarrassment: we really didn’t go full circle though? But sure

Rebecca: it was great rich. you should be a professional poet

Trashmouth ---> big bird  
bill does eds only call me rich when he’s being serious

big bird: yea  
and like when he’s being wholesome too

Trashmouth: fuck you think he actually liked… that?

big bird: i guess? and he sent me a snap and his face was really red

Trashmouth: f u c k

big bird: Richie if he liked *that* imagine if he read some of the actual emotional stuff you’ve written about him

Trashmouth: UM when did you read that??

big bird: all those papers are the only organized thing in your entire room. of course i was gonna notice

Trashmouth: omfg  
so I’m leaving Derry

big bid: ha as if

Rebecca ---> badass with a good ass  
bev i’m in love with an idiot  
I love it


	3. Richie third wheels with a vsco power couple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lawful good: okay I’ll ask  
What happened with the leg warmers?
> 
> Trashmouth: so I accidentally broke bill 
> 
> smitten boi: What happened??
> 
> Rebecca: I really don’t think you wanna know
> 
> Trashmouth: uh so bill has been under the bed for about an hour with his face in a unicorn pillow pet  
Bev is trying to do damage control and coax him out but uh it’s not working  
this is a very dark time in our lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what this is but enjoy?  
(btw the crack energy increased by like 1000)  
(if you couldn't already tell by the chapter title)
> 
> also idk if I should make "sexual references" a proper tag bc it's really just richie being vaguely obscene but yeah

**11:22 AM**  
Trashmouth: so i was peer pressured into making a vsco account  
someone release me from this hell

lawful good: who??? 

badass with a good ass: please expose them I’m begging you 

Rebecca: so it’s not mike or bev  
Assuming they actually don’t know and they’re not lying  
It’s not me  
So either bill Stan or Ben, and I honestly don’t know which one’s worse 

Trashmouth: who said it was one of the six people here? 

lawful good: lol do any of us actually have other friends?

Trashmouth: okay you have a point 

big bird: also even if you did have other friends there’s no way anyone else could convince you to get a vsco 

Trashmouth: okay you also have a point 

Rebecca: I think it’s bill 

big bird: how low is your opinion of me?

Rebecca: I’m just saying! You’re the person Richie is most likely to listen to 

Secondhand embarrassment: nah it’s you eddie, Richie is whipped for you 

Rebecca: thanks? 

Trashmouth: um excuse you  
I’m an independent man!  
actually fuck that I would do pretty much anything for my Eddie spaghetti but still 

Rebecca: aw :)

big bird: WHOLESOME 

badass with a good ass —-> Rebecca  
If I paid you my life savings to ask Richie out would you do it? 

Rebecca: depends how much is in your life savings 

badass with a good ass: like 1200  
I’ll even throw in 25% of my salary when I get a job please 

Rebecca: eh 

badass with a good ass: Eddie I am in legitimate pain 

“gas station love affair”  
badass with a good ass: I ship it 

Rebecca: wait we got off topic  
I still need to know who made Richie get vsco 

Trashmouth: dramatic reveal time!!!  
actually wait no everyone bet  
winner gets free ice cream 

Rebecca: bill 

lawful good: bill 

smitten boi: mike?

badass with a good ass: Stan 

big bird: Mike 

Secondhand embarrassment: bill 

Trashmouth: aaaaaaaand the winner is  
Bev!!! 

Rebecca: whAT 

big bird: WHY DOES STAN HAVE A VSCO 

badass with a good ass: I mean good for me but I almost don’t believe you? 

Trashmouth: I just took a screenshot of his profile  
It’s on my private story 

Rebecca: omfg Stan why 

Secondhand embarrassment: Okay LISTEN  
I was also peer pressured 

Trashmouth: oh? 

Rebecca: by who 

lawful good: His crush maybe?

Trashmouth: oH????? 

Rebecca: Stan spill 

Secondhand embarrassment: Ugh fine  
Her name’s Sarah and it’s not really a crush but she’s really nice 

Trashmouth: wait library sarah? 

Secondhand embarrassment: ...yes 

Trashmouth: you told me you were just studying!

Secondhand embarrassment: We were!! She just, you know, spent half the time flirting with me 

big bird: well did you flirt back 

Secondhand embarrassment: ...yes 

Trashmouth: !!!!!!! Stan is growing up so fast :’)

Secondhand embarrassment: I’m three months older than you and you’ve never been in a relationship? 

Trashmouth: still 

Rebecca: we got off topic again why does this keep happening  
So Stan, Rich and Sarah all have vsco accounts and none of us have more shame to dish around? 

lawful good: no offense guys but I was planning to just quietly judge you from the side 

_Trashmouth_ changed “gas station love affair” to “vsco power couple” 

_Rebecca_ changed “vsco power couple” to “Richie third wheels with a vsco power couple” 

Trashmouth: quick someone date me so I’m not a wheel  
Eds you’re up 

Rebecca: don’t call me eds omg  
How many times 

Trashmouth: but you have to save me from them! I can’t do this without you 

Secondhand embarrassment: Okay Richie’s profile is on my private story 

big bird: great I took a screenshot of both  
I’ll project them at your respective weddings 

badass with a good ass: LMAO Richie ur profile pic is so chaotic 

smitten boi: what is it? It’s not loading on my phone

badass with a good ass: he’s sticking his tongue out, double middle fingers at the camera, wearing a shiny party hat  
also he’s wrapped in what looks like Christmas lights 

Rebecca: that was a great time 

Trashmouth: omg yeah  
Mom has a “no Christmas decorations after New Years” policy so we were taking them down before the ball dropped  
Mike was supposed to be supervising but he had to leave  
And then I provoked Eddie about being short I think?  
So he tackled me and wrapped me in lights  
One of the best times of my life 

Rebecca: honestly same 

Trashmouth: obviously he didn’t tie me up very well bc I could still flip him off when he took a picture 

badass with a good ass: kinky 

Trashmouth: yeah party hats turn me on a lot 

badass with a good ass: I was talking about him tying you up?? 

Trashmouth: oh  
don’t worry I’m completely joking 

Rebecca: not reassured but ok 

**2:17 PM**  
Trashmouth: eds is refusing to go to the store with me :(  
someone please come with i’m gonna be lonely

big bird: depends, what are you buying

Trashmouth: um  
purple candles, puffy paint, leg warmers, coat hangers and a lacy blouse?

badass with a good ass: hi what the fuck 

Secondhand embarrassment: What the actual hell.

Rebecca: see!! people would think I’m insane if I went with him

big bird: fair  
still I’m curious so Richie I’ll go, but only if you tell me what you’re doing with this stuff

Trashmouth: yes! i knew i could get someone to cave  
prepare to be scarred for life  
eds is traumatized i think  
see you in fifteen!

**6:06 PM**  
lawful good: okay I’ll ask  
What happened with the leg warmers?

Trashmouth: so I accidentally broke bill 

smitten boi: What happened??

Rebecca: I really don’t think you wanna know

Trashmouth: uh so bill has been under the bed for about an hour with his face in a unicorn pillow pet  
Bev is trying to do damage control and coax him out but uh it’s not working  
this is a very dark time in our lives

_badass with a good ass_ changed [badass with a good ass] to [richie what the hell]  
richie what the hell: ummmm okay let’s all agree to never speak of this again  
blood oath part two like actually 

lawful good: okay?

Secondhand embarrassment: Eddie you’ll tell us later right?

Rebecca: yeah of course I need to talk to someone to shake off the trauma

Trashmouth: cool!! i’ll schedule the group therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know if you liked it


End file.
